Worthy
by MsMarvelAndIronMan
Summary: Kim goes missing after dealing with the events of the day. Can Intelligence save her before it's too late? And if they do can they fix the damage done? {TW: ED, rape, torture, suicide attempts, abuse, self harm, and PTSD.} Chapter 13 is up now.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: My first Chicago PD fanfic. Please don't be too hard on me. 1x12 hasn't happened yet. And this is my take on Kim's past. Mainly because the writers haven't told us anything about her. And to warn you now this is a bit dark. Also this is set at the end of 1x13.

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><p><em>Underwater.<em>

That's how she feels, that's how this rejection feels. She feels like she can no longer breathe or move. Like this soul crushing feeling is preventing her from doing anything. She knows she should be happy for her partner. She really is happy for him, it's the reason why Voight doesn't want her in Intelligence that bothers her. It's just because of some old stupid crush on Detective Ruzek. She walks out of Voight's office, trying to look okay. Then Ruzek ask her what happened and she can't help the flash of anger flash quickly over face, before going back to a smile. She just nods and walks away.

She goes to the locker room and changes into her normal clothes, feeling worthless. She looks at herself in the litte locker mirror she keeps and sighs, hating herself for being a failure. _"You'll always be nothing." "You ruin everything you touch."_ The memories of what has been drilled into her since she was born coming back. She folds her uniform and puts it in her locker, shuting it and putting her jacket on. She walks out of the locker room, looking around to make sure Platt was busy while she walked out the door. She breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Platt doing paperwork. She walks to the door and was so close when Platt calls for her. She sighs and walks over to Platt. "Yes Sargent?" She asks. "Just because you didn't make Intelligence, doesn't mean you didn't deserve it. You will get your chance again." Platt tells her in a motherly tone. "Okay." She replies, still feeling down. "Hey buck up, at least Ruzek's free now." Platt tells her. She looks up at Platt, shocked. Was that somehow her fault too? "What?" She asks. "Yeah. Wendy dumped him, threw the ring at him as she walked away." Platt explains. Then the feeling comes back again and now she feels neausous. "You better not puke on my floor Burgess." Platt warns. Thinking that was a possibility she runs out the door to her car. She steadies herself against the side of her car, taking a moment to breathe. She getsts there, just breathing. She starts remembering what her biology teacher told her when her teacher had stopped her from jumping. "The best remedy for feeling worthless is to do something worthwhile." She has been carrying those words with her since then. She grabs her phone and dials a number she'll never forget.

Kurt and Blaine Jones are the two of the kindest people she knows. Every night they serve food and give blankets to people out of an old church. She loves volunteering with them. There's just this feeling that she gets when she helps others that makes her happy to be alive. Thomas Hudson follows her car. He has taken over his brother's drug ring and wantsck at Intelligence for killing his brother. He goes after her because he thinks she'll be the best way to get back at Intelligence.

When she gets to the old church she smiles brightly, enjoying the breeze. She walks over to the back and walks in. She looks around and spots her friends. "You guys need any help tonight?" She asks, startling them. "Kimmie!" Blaine comes to her and gives her a hug. "Of course we do!" He tells her. She smiles. Thomas walks in looking around. "Is this the soup kitchen?" He asks, not wanting to seem suspicious. "Yes!" Kurt says, excitedly. "Let's get to work, then!" Thomas smiles charmingly.

They all start working and Thomas pays attention to how skilled her hands where at cooking and how she cleaned with such intensity. After they finish Thomas goes over to her. "Hey, you wanna go grab a coffe?" He asks her. She nods, saying she can't stay long. He nods and walks across the street with her to a coffee shop. He gets the drinks while she grabs a table. When she isn't pay attention he pours something in her drink. He smiles as he walks over to her, handing her the drink. She drinks hers and she talks to him. He nods and waits until the right time to take her. Too soon she'll fight and too late hell have to carry her out. He decides to take her when she starts yawning. He helps her stand up and walks her to his car. When he puts her in the seat she passes out. He chains her wrists to the console. He shuts the door and walks over to his side, gets in, and drives off.

Voight sighs, rubbing his eyes. This case was taking a toll on him. He had stopped a dangerous drug dealer, now he has to find the younger brother, Thomas Hudson. He puts his elbows on his desk and leans his head against his hands. That was not the only thing bothering him.

He felt a little bad about not letting Burgess into Intelligence, but he admires how she dealt with it and walked off. He gets up and decides to head home for the night. He turns out the light, shuts the door, and heads down the stairs. He walks out the door and starts driving home.

During his drive he notices a strangely familiar car outside an old church. He looks at his clock, it reads 1:30 a.m. He parks his car by the kitchen, knowing Burgess wasn't one to stay out latehad a shift the next morning. He walks up to the soup kitchen in the back. "Sorry, but we're closed." Kurt tells Voight. Voight nods. "I'm looking for Kim Burgess. Have you seen her recently?" He asks. Kurt nods. "She helped earlier. She got coffee with this guy and that's the last I saw of her." Kurt replies, walking out. "What was the guy's name?" Voight asks. "Thomas Hudson. Why?" Kurt asks, locking the place up. Voight sighs angrily, punching the wall. "I have reason to believe he kidnapped her because of what my unit did to his brother." He replies walking to Burgess's car. He sees the note, takes it, and reads it; "You took my brother, now I'll take one of your officers." The note was not signed. Voight takes the note and folds it, putting it in his pocket. He grabs his phone and calls the unit. "Come to the address I sent to you now. We have a lead on Thomas Hudson and he's taken Burgess."Voight told them grimly.

** How was it? Please read and review!**

**Coming up: The hunt is on to find Thomas and rescue Kim. Thomas has something in store for Kim.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews on the first chapter! I'm very sorry for not updating yesterday, but my phone was messing up and I had high school interviews yesterday. Okay to answer a question: there will be Burzek! Just to warn you now this chapter gets a bit dark. I am also sorry for any spelling and grammar errors! Alright enjoy!**

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><p>When they hear Kim has been taken they're worried and angry. They go to the address Voight sent them. Once they are all there Voight shows them the note from Kim's car. When they read the note they get even more worried. They look around, trying to find any street cameras that might've captured the license plate. When they find the only working street camera they are slightly relieved, now they just hope they can get to her in time.<p>

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><p>When Kim comes to she feels disoriented. She tries to lift her hands to rub her eyes, but can't. She looks at her wrists to find them tied to the chair, her ankles as well. She looks down again and notice that she's only in her bra and underwear. She tries to scream for help, but her voice is muffled by some duct tape. She starts thrashing around, trying to break free. She hisses in pain as the rope digs into her skin, but she continues to try and break free.<p>

A few moments later a noise causes her to stop thrashing around. "That won't do you any good." A voice tells her. She looks around desperately, trying to find where it's coming from. When Thomas walks out of the shadows Kim's eyes widen. He comes over to her and puts his hand on her face. She pulls away, not wanting him to touch her. He shakes his head and walks to a table she just has noticed. "Want to see your friends?" He asks in a dark tone, setting up a camera and laptop. She shakes her head as he sends the call through, walking over to her.

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><p>When the Intelligence unit revives the call they accept it, hopping it would be a lead as to where Kim was. The unit gathers around Jin's computer and see Kim tied to the chair. "To the Intelligence unit of district 29 you killed my brother, now you will pay." Thomas tells them. "Don't hurt her." Antonio warns him. Thomas laughs. "Now where would the fun be in that?" He asks. "I mean she is very attractive." He replies, rubbing her thigh. "Get your hands off of her." Voight tells him. Thomas shakes his head and walks back over to the camera. "That's all the time we have. Bye." Thomas hangs up.<p>

Voight walks off, pissed. "We need to find Kim soon. There's no telling what he's capable of doing." Antonio comments. Everyone nods in agreement. "We are pulling out all of the stops on this one. No one's going home until we get Burgess back." Voight tells them. They all nod and get back to work.

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><p>Kim is terrified when the call ends, she has no idea what he'll do to her. When he walks over to her she looks away. "I need to teach you're friends a lesson. They should now killing is wrong." He tells her, rubbing her inner thigh. She closes her thighs to stop him. He sighs, angered, and he grabs her chin roughly. "Listen here, you can try and fight all you want, but you can't stop me." He tells her, venom dripping from his words. She tries looking away, but he holds her head in place. "Now you better not try to run because if you do you'll get punished more." He explains as he intones the rope around her wrists and ankles. She rubs her wrists and doesn't head his advice, deciding to run. She quickly gets up and tries to run to the door. Only Thomas grabs her ankles before she even ran five feet. He pins her down and she tries to push him off. "I tried to warn you." He tells her, dragging her to another room.<p>

She tries thrashing around, but he doesn't loosen her grip. When they reach the room she finds it looks more like a dungeon. He drags her to the wall that has wrist shackles and puts them around her wrists. She continues to try and get free, but she hisses in pain as the shackles dig into her already sore wrists. He gets on top of her and pins her down, removing her underwear. He pulls down his pants and underwear, then forces himself inside her. She cries out in pain, the tears streaming down her face as he thrusts inside her. She closes her eyes and tries to imagine herself somewhere else. She snaps back to reality when his fist makes contact with her stomach. "You should pay more attention next time." He warns, pulling his pants up. He looks down at her, smirking. "You will receive the rest of your punishment later." He tells her, walking out and shutting the door. She curls up against the wall and starts crying, hoping Intelligence will find her soon.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed Chapter 2! Chapter 3 will be posted later tonight!<strong>

**Coming up: Intelligence runs into trouble trying to find leads for Kim's rescue. Thomas punished Kim for trying to leave.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Like I promised chapter 3. Burzek won't really happen till Intelligence gets her back, there will be little hints though. Enjoy this chapter too! This gets a bit darker than the last chapter. And keep the reviews coming.**

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><p>When Kim wakes up her wrists ache and she feels sore. She sits up and looks around, her eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. She tries standing up, but her legs ache in protest. She sits back down. She curled herself into a ball in a corner. And she started praying that Intelligence would save her.<p>

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><p>Erin rubbed her head, tiredly. She was worried to death about Kim. Kim was the closest thing Erin had to a sister. Erin put her head on her desk, wishing that a lead would come out of nowhere. She got up and went yo the break room and grabbed some coffee. She slowly drank it and thought about reaching out to some of her CIs to see if they knew anything. She grabbed her keys and went to her car. She dialed a number and held the phone to her ear. "Alexandrian we need to meet." She told the person as she drove to the park.<p>

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><p>Kim stayed in her corner until Thomas came back in. "Hello there Kim!" He greeted, walking over to her. She tries to get closer to the wall but couldn't because of the chains. "Time to learn your lesson." He tells her, unlocking the chains, but quickly grabbed her bruised and bloody wrists before she could make a run for it. He yanks her up onto her feet and drags her to another room. Kim looks around, scared. She looks at the metal chair in the middle of the room. He drags her to the chair and ties her wrists and ankles to the chair. "Get ready for the lesson." He whispers into her ear.<p>

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><p>Adam looked at himself in the men's room mirror and wishes that Kim was safe with him. "When we catch this guy I'll make him pay." Adam tells himself. He straightens his shoulders and walks out and gets ready to head out with Jay to see if any of their CIs could help them find Kim.<p>

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><p>When Thomas comes back to Kim, he has a belt and lit cigarette bud. She cringes when she sees the items. He comes over with the cigar and smokes it a bit. He rubs her face and looks at the tape that still covered her mouth. He shakes his head and holds the cigar over her left thigh. He presses it against her thigh hard and all over. She cries in pain as the cigar burns her thigh. He moves to her other thigh and does the same thing. She continues crying as the burns hurt worse. Thomas rubs her stomach a bit before pressing the cigar into her stomach.<p>

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><p>Voight puts his hands against his head,angered that Kim might be going through he'll and they can't save her. He looks down at his desk and gets back to work,trying to find leads.<p>

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><p>When Erin meets her CI Alexandria, she asks if Alexa has seen or heard from Thomas recently. Alexa nods and tells Erin everything she knows. Erin calls everyone to let them know that she has a lead.<p>

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><p>The pain in Kim's legs, arms, and stomach are enough to almost make her pass out. Thomas looks at her and grabs the belt. He holds it in his hands as he decides what to do. He sets it down and unties her again. She takes this chance and knees Thomas in the face. She gets up and tries to run,but her legs gave out. She rips off the duct tape and tries to scream for help, but Thomas punches her in the throat. She cries in pain and tries to fight him off. He pinned her down and punched her in the the face several times. She continues fighting, kicking him in the crotch. He doesn't seem bothered by her kicking him there. He grabs her wrists and drags her to the other room.<p>

He roughly pins her against the wall and punches her in the stomach. She winces in pain at every blow. He scrapes her back against the wall. She tries to fight back, but he's stronger. He throws her on to the floor and she hits her head on the floor, but doesn't get knocked out. He gets on top of her and pulls his pants and underwear down, forcing himself inside her again. She tries pushing him off of her, but he's too heavy. He digs his nails into her as he roughly thrusts into her. She can't help the tears from falling. She cringes when he starts touching her breasts. She closes her eyes and tries to imagine that any moment Intelligence would come in and save her, she highly doubts they'll notice she's missing.

She lies on the ground once he leaves. She lies there bruised and broken, no longer believing that anybody would come save her. She looks at the wall and tries to imagine that people are looking for her. She falls asleep, with little hope left.

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><p><strong>I hope you guys enjoyed the story so far. And Alexa is my OC. Please review if you liked this chapter.<strong>

**Coming up: Intelligence gets the break it needs and is close to finding Kim. Thomas tortures Kim more.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reviewing my story! I hope everyone is enjoying the story! Since it's the weekend I'll most likely post more, yay!**

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><p>When Erin come back everyone gathers on the Intelligence floor. "My CI told me possible locations were Thomas is holding Kim." Erin tells them, writing addresses on the board. "She also told me the warehouse address is where he'll most likely be." She explains. Everyone nods, relieved they are closer to finding Kim. "When do we head out?" Antonio asks. "Now. Everyone put your vests on." Voight tells them. Everyone nods and gets ready.<p>

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><p>Kim wakes up in the same curled up position from last night. She stretches slightly, trying to relax her sore body. She starts rubbing her bruised and bloody wrists, wincing in pain. She notices that Thomas didn't chain her wrist this time and starts planing her escape again, knowing that he'll be back again. She lays back against the wall, getting ready to execute her plan.<p>

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><p>When everybody puts their vests on they get in separate cars and drive to the warehouse. They all kept on straight faces, preparing themselves for what they might see.<p>

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><p>When Kim hears Thomas's footsteps she gets by the door frame, ready to attack him. As the door opens Kim lunges herself at him. He shakes his head. "You never learn do you?" He spats. She continues punching him. Her grabs her arm and shoves it against the wall, breaking it. She whimpers in pain and tries to kick him. He grabs her by the throat and holds her against the wall. She gasps for air as his grip tightens around her throat. She digs her nails into his arm and he loosens his grip. He grabs her injured arm and drags her back to the room from last night, but there's two tables and some surgical knives. She tries getting her arm free, but the pain stops her. He takes her to the table with straps on it and forces her to lay on it. He straps her wrists and ankles the table. He grab one of her cheeks and pinches it. "Let's see how pretty your blood looks." He whispers to her. She tries to start screaming, but her throat is still too sore. He grabs some tape and puts it over her mouth. She starts thrashing around and bites her tongue in the pain. He gets more tape and straps more of her body to the table. He brings a chair over and sits down, grabbing a knife. He places it above her stomach and presses it against her skin, dragging it across vertically. He makes many incisions varying in length and depth. He looks down at her stomach and smiles. "You have such a pretty shade of blood." He comments, running his finger along one cut. She closes her eyes in pain, tears streaming down her face. He gets up and gets on the table, hovering over her body. He pulls his pants and underwear down again. He forces himself inside her again and thrusts in roughly. Once he finished he moved to her other nether region and thrusts into it. She cries out in pain.<p>

He gets off of her once he's finished, pulling up his pants and underwear. "Have you learned you lesson yet?" He asks, rubbing her check. She pulls her head away and he slaps her. She closes her eyes in pain. He walks of and leaves her there, strapped to the table. She cries because of the extreme pain between her legs. She hopes that someone will save her soon.

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><p>When the Unit is outside of the building they look around, praying that Kim is here and is still alive. They grab their guns and walk to the door, busting it down when they reach it. They step inside and go in different directions. Jay and Kevin going up stairs, Erin and Atonio going to the right, Adam, Alvin and Voight going straight ahead.<p>

Erin and Atonio look into the first room, finding dried blood on the floor and wall. Fear fills their entire bodies and they look in the other rooms. They look into the other rooms finding nothing. "The left side is clear, going to check the right side now." Antonio tells the others over the radio. They start checking the right side.

Jay and Kevin look upstairs and find the guy packing stuff into a bag. "Eyes on the target. I repeat eyes on the target." Jay whispers over the radio. They start moving closer to Thomas, placing the gun to his head when they get close. "You're under arrest for the kidnapping of Officer Kim Bugess." Jay tells Thomas, cufing him. "Any signs of Kim yet?" Kevin asks, worried. "Not yet." Was the reply received.

Voight, Adam, and Alvin split up to cover more ground. Voight looks into the first room and walks in, looking around. He goes to the other door and opens it, finding Kim strapped to the table. Voight walks over quickly, putting his gun away, and takes of his jacket to put it on her stomach to stop the bleeding. "I found Burgess, call an ambulance!" He yells over the radio. He takes off the duct tape gently and undos the straps. He lifts her off the table softly and heads for the exit quickly.

When he gets outside the ambulance and others are already there. He sets her on the gurney and let's the paramedics, Gabby and Shay, put her in the ambulance. Everyone watches as the ambulance leaves, expressions grim. Kevin and Jay let Voight take Thomas. Voight takes Adam with him, knowing Adam deserves to be apart of this. Voight throws Thomas against the wall. "What makes you think you can take one of my officers?" Voight asks. Thomas smirks. "You think this is funny?" Adam asks, punching Thomas in the face. Thomas doesn't seem fazed at all. Voight grabs Thomas by the collar and drags him to the car and shoved him in there. Everybody gets in their car and drives to the hospital while Voight puts Thomas in the cell.

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><p>When Voight goes to go to the hospital he stops and walks over to where Platt is. "Trudy, we found her. She's at the hospital, just wanted to let you know. He tells her. "Thank you for telling me." She replies. Voight nods and walks off to drive to the hospital.<p>

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><p><strong> The next chapters are all about Kim's recovery and how everybody tries to help her cope. I'm sorry if it seems rushed. Plus Gabby and Shay are also a big part of the story but it's not a crossover.<strong>

**Coming up: The unit learns about what happened to Kim. Adam tells Kim something important. Kim tries to deny what happened.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Like I said I'd try to update as much as possible this weekend! So here it is chapter 5! I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>When Kim wakes up all she sees is a blinding white light, closing her eyes she rubs her already sore head. When she feels a sharp pain in her right arm she looks down to find it in a cast. She looks around the room to see Adam, Erin, Voight, and Antonio there. She sits up, slowly. "Where am I?" Kim asks, nervous and scared ,voice also coming out scratchy. Erin looks at her, worried about Kim. "You're in the hospital Kim." Erin tells her, walking over to help Kim sit up. Erin's not surprised when Kim flinches slightly at her touch. Kim notices the worried look on everyone's face and offers a sad smile. The smile is only returned from Erin. "How do you feel?" Antonio asks, sitting by her. "Like I was hit by a train, then a bus, and then a truck." She replies. Antonio nods his head. "You should rest some more." Erin tells her. Kim nods and lays back down, slowly. Kim closes her eyes and rests. Everyone else leaves and turns out the lights, closing the door as well.<p>

Outside they ask Gabby and Shay about Kim's injuries. Gabby and Shay look at each other, grimly. "They injuries show signs of torture and... he.. he raped her." Shay explains, sadly. The unit looks at them worried. "He what?" Voight asks, angrily. "He raped her." Shay tells him again. Voight and the rest of nod. "We are going to head out. Callnus if anything happens." Antonio tells his sister. Gabby nods and Intelligence leaves. Gabby and Shay quietly sneak into Kim's room and watch over her.

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><p>When the Unit meets up in the bullpen Voight tells them about what Thomas did to Kim. Kevin, Jay, and Alvin look shocked. "That bastard." Jay whispers. "We need to get her statement." Kevin notes. "But who should take it?" Alvin asks. They all look around. "Maybe Platt should." Jin comments. "Platt might be able to get through to her." Jin adds. They all nod at the suggestion. Erin goes to talk to Platt about getting Kim's statement.<p>

"Can you get Kim's statement? I think she'd be more comfortable telling you, since you're her superior." Erin tells Platt. Platt nods. "I'll do it." Platt replies. Erin nods in thanks. Erin leaves and gies back to the bullpen.

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><p>When Platt arrives at the hospital she becomes scared about what Kim might say that happened or what she won't say that happened. Platt walks into the hospital and walks to the elevator, pushing the floor five button. When Platt steps off the elevator she heads to the room Erin told her Kim was in. Platt looks inside and finds that Kim's awake and talking to Gabby and Shay. Platt knocks on the door before walking in. "Hey there Burgess." Platt greeted. "Hi." Kim replies, voice still a bit scratchy. "I'm sorry to do this, but I need to get your statement." Platt tells her. Platt looks at Kim's arm, wrsits, and face, felling bad for the girl. Kim nods understanding. "We'll let you two talk while we grabb some clothes for you and coffee." Shay tells Kim, kissing the top of her head. Kim nods and flinches a tiny bit. Gabby and Shay leaves Kim and Platt alone.<p>

Platt looks at Kim. "You ready?" Platt asks. Kim nods hesitantly. "What did he do tobyou aftrr he kidnapped you?" Platt asks. Kim to a deep breath. " me then he.. raped me." She whispees, stuttering. Platt's eyes widen and she looks at Kim, worriedly. "What he do when he attacked you?" Platt asks carefully. "Um. He just hit me, burned me, and tried dissecting me." Kim explains, voice quiet. Platt nods. "Is there anything else you want tell me?" Platt asks. Kim shakes her head. Platt nods. "If you need anyone to talk to, you know where to find me." Platt tells Kim. Kim smiles back, weakly. Platt nods and gets up. "See you later Burgess." Platt says, walking out.

Gabby and Shay come back with three coffees, sweat pants, a long sleeved shirt, socks, and shoes. "Hey. You ready to get dressed and go home?" Shay asks. Kim nods. "Yes." Kim replies, getting up. Gabby helps her stand up. "Would you like to get dressed in the bathroom?" Gabby asks. Kim nods and walks to the bathroom, getting the shirt and pants from Shay. "Thanks." Kim replies and goes into the bathroom. She takes off the hospital gown and looks at the stitches on her stomach, running her fingers along them. She grabs the pants and puts them on, tying the strings. She then grabs the shirt and puts it on as well. She walks out, grabs the socks and shoes and puts them on. "Can we leave now?" Kim asks, voice cracking a bit. "Yeah, here's some coffee." Gabby says, handing Kim the coffee. Kim smiles and drinks some of yhe coffee. Shay, Gabby, and Kim walk out of the hospital and go to Kim's apartment.

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><p>Platt comes back to the station and gives Kim's statement to Intelligence. They look over the statement and are disgusted by what Thomas did to Kim. "She's got a long road ahead of her." Jin notes. "And we'll be there for her." Voight tells them. Everyone nods and heads home yo get some rest after everything that's happened.<p>

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><p><strong>I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, please review!<strong>

**Coming up: Intelligence helps Kim prepare for the upcoming trial. Kim deals with the truama. Gabby and Shay help Kim cope with what happened.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Alright here's the 6th chapter. Enjoy! There will be a bit of Burzek in this chapter.**

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><p>When Gabby, Kim, and Shay arrive at Kim's apartment they sit on the couch. "Are hungry Kimmie?" Shay asks. "No not really." Kim replies. "But if the two of you are hungry y'all know where everything is." Kim adds. "Later. Do you want to get more sleep?" Gabby asks. Kim shakes her head. "No. How about we watch a movie?" Kim suggest. Gabby and Shay nod. "What movie?" Gabby asks. "How about Charlie's angels?" Kim suggest. "Sounds good." Gabby and Shay reply. Kim gets the movie, while Shay gets blankets and pillows, and Gabby gets the drinks and snacks. Shay and Kim set up the blankets and pillows and Gabby brings the snacks and drinks. They get comftorable and start the movie.<p>

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><p>The Unit looks over Kim's statement and decide to go over to her apartment to see how she is and to help prepare her for the trial. Erin and Adam drive to Kim's apartment.<p>

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><p>When they hear a knock on the door they look at Shay's shoulder to find Kim asleep. Gabby quietly gets up and opens the door. "Shh. She's sleeping." Gabby whispers to the Erin and Adam. They nod and Gabby lets them in. They sit down on the couch. Shay smiles. "Hey." She tells them, looking up. "How is she doing?" Adam asks, concerned. "As well as could be expected." Gabby replies. Adam nods. Kim wakes, wrinkling her nose a bit. Kim streches a bit and yawns."Is the movie over?" Kim asks, rubbing her eyes. "Yep. And there's people here to see you." Shay tells Kim. Kim looks at Shay confused. Shay smiles and points behind her. Kim turns around to see the Unit there. "We were wondering when you'd wake up." Kevin tells her. "Well hello to you too." Kim teases. "What's the occasion?" Kim asks, curiously. "Just wanted to check on you." Erin replies. Kim smiles. "Thank you!" Kim thanks. Erin nods. "We also came here to help you prepare for the trial." Erin tells Kim. Kim looks down, but nods in understanding. Adam and Erin start helping Kim with what to say on the trial.<p>

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><p>Erin leaves a few hours later, but Adam stays. Adam looks at Kim, worried about her. "You hungry?" Shay asks Kim and Adam. "Yes." Kim replies and Adam nods. "Is it okay if Gabby and I go grab some food from the take out place down the street?" Shay asks. Kim nods. "And its okay if Adam stays with you while we're gone?" Gabby asks. Kim nods. "Alright we'll be back soon." Shay tells Kim, getting up and leaving with Gabby.<p>

Kim stands up and sits on the couch. Adam looks over at Kim. "Are you sure you're okay?" Adam asks. "Yeah. I'm sure." She replies. "How's your stomach?" He asks. "It hurts alot, but not enough to concern me." Kim replies. Adam nods. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" He asks. "No." She replies. He nods. "Would it be okay if I hug you?" Adam asks, not wanting to do it without her approval. She nods hesitantly. He moves closer to her and gives her a hug. Kim still flinches a tiny bit. Adam holds her a bit, then realizes he's still holding Kim. He lets her go. "Sorry." He apologizes. She nods and lays her head on his shoulder. He smiles slightly. He looks down at her and notices her bandaged wrists. "What happened to your wrists?" He asks. She pulls her selves down, covering the bandages. "The ropes." She says simply. Adam looks at her. "I'm sorry." He says. "For what?" She asks confused. "For what happened." He explains. "Wasn't your fault." She whispers. "I still feel like if I had talked to you longer it might've saved you from that pain." He explains. "You didn't know he was going to go after me." She defends. "Still." He tells her.

A little while later Gabby and Shay return with Chinese takeout. They eat dinner in silence. After they all finished Adam leaves. Kim watches him leave, sighing. "You love him, dont you?" Shay asks. Kim nods, sadly. "Yes, buy he broke my heart and I'm just not ready to tell him." She explains. Shay nods. "Let's get you to bed, now Kimmie." Gabby tells her. "Will y'all lay with me? I don't want to sleep alone." Kim begs. "Don't worry, we will." Gabby replies. Kim smiles and lets Gabby and Shay change. When they finish changing the all lay down on Kim's bed and fall asleep.

_Kim wakes up and she's tied to the table again. He's hovering over with the knife. She tries to scream, but nothing comes out. She starts thrashing around, but can't move. He digs the knife into her flesh and drags it across, leaving multiple cuts across her stomach. She feels excruciating pain go through her body and cries out in pain. He stops and gets on top of her, pulling down his pants. He forces himself inside her and she screams in pain._

Kim wakes up, sweating and screaming. Gabby and Shay are already awake and by her side, but before they can see whats wrong Kim runs out of the bed and locks herself in the bathroom. She sits against the door and starts sobbing. "Kim whats wrong? Open the door please." Gabby begs. Kim shakes her head and starts crying harder, the images of him and what happened fresh in her mind. "Kim." Shay begs, knocking on the door. Kim stands up and unlocks the door. She lets Gabby and Shay in. Shay pulls Kim into a hug and holds Kim while she cries.

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><p><strong>Please review! <strong>

**Coming Up: The trial brings up bad memories for Kim as her part of her past is thrown out into the open. How does Intelligence react to the information? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's chapter 7. I hope y'all enjoy this one.**

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><p>Kim wakes up still in Shay's arms. "You wanna talk about it?" Shay asks. "Not really." Kim replies. Shay nods. "The trial's on Thursday. You sure you're ready?" Shay asks concerned. "I'm sure." Kim replies. Kim sits up and streches a bit. "Where's Gabby?" Kim asks, worried. "She went to get coffee and breakfast." Shay replies, sitting up. "Okay." Kim replies, getting up. "I'm going to take a shower." Kim tells Shay. Shay nods. "Watch your stitches." Shay warns. "Okayy." Kim replies, going to the bathroom. She takes off her clothes and bandages and gets in the shower.<p>

Kim steps out off the shower and wraps the towel around her body. She walks out as Gabby comes into Kim's apartment. "Hey Gabby." Kim greets. "Hello Kimmie. How are you feeling?" Gabby asks. "Better." Kim replies going to her closet. Kim gets out some black skinny jeans and her favorite green sweater. She puts on her underwear and bra first, then her sweayer and jeans. Kim brushes her hair and puts it in a side braid. Kim walks to her small kitchen and grabs a coffee and donut. "Thank you for the coffee and breakfast Gabby!" Kim thanks eating the donut. "Wanna have a movie day?" Shay smirks. "Sounds awesome!" Kim replies. They get the snacks and drin ks and bring it to in front of the tv, pillows and blankets already there. They sit down and watch movies all day.

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><p>Thursday comes by faster than Kim wanted and she's scared to death. She did not like having to talk about her assult infront of an entire court room. She straightens her suit out and tries to send the nerves away, but they won't. She looks around the room and she's Intelligence, Platt, Gabby, and Shay in the crowd there to support her and she feels a tiny bit beter. She just hopes the trial won't last long.<p>

When she gets called to the stand all the nerves come back. She walks up there with a mask of confidence. She swears to tell the truth and nothin, but the truth. "It says here that kidnapped you, raped you, and tortured you. Is that truth." Thomas's lawyer asked Kim. _"It's now or never Kim."_ She tells herself. "Yes." She replies. The lawyer nods and picks up a manila folder and looks in it. "It says here that this is not the first time you've pressed rape charges against someone, but never made it to trial." The lawyer comments, smirking. When he says that fear fills her entire body, paralyzing her. The entire court room starts whispering. "Objection!" Kim's lawyer cries. "On what grounds?" The judge asks. "The question is irrelevant to the trial!" Kim's lawyer explains. "Granted." The judge says.

The trial continues and Kim barely makes it through. She's overjoyed that she won the trial, but the fear still consumes her body. When she gets out of the courtroom she walks away before anyone can get to her. She walks to her apartment and changes into running clothing. Her phone rings and she answers it. "Hello?" **"Kim where are you?" **"My apartment." **"Why did you leave?" **"I just had to. I'm about to go on a run, so don't wait up." **"Kim wait-."** Kim hangs up the phone and puts her phone in her pocket. She slips on her shoes and leaves, closing and locking her door.

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><p>"Shay where is she?" Gabby asks, worried. "She said she's going on a run." Shay replies. "Why did she leave?" Erin asks. "She said she had to." Shay replies. "We need to find her, if she pushes herself to much her stiches might come loose." Gabby tells them. They nod and split up.<p>

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><p>Kim stops and takes a breath, a sharp pain in her stomach making her wince in pain. Kim sits on a park bench and wipes sweat off her face. She takes a few more breaths and continues on her run.<p>

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><p>Gabby and Shay drive around, having no luck in finding Kim.<p>

Jay and Erin can't find Kim. Neither can Antonio and Adam nor Kevin and Platt. Voight and Olinsky spot her, but she disappears before they can reach her. They all meet up at Molly's and are worried to death about Kim. Casey and Severide walk over to them. "Where's Kim?" Casey asks. "She went on a run, but we can't find her." Erin explains. "That's not good. Do you want us to help you search?" Severide asks. They nod and get back to looking for Kim.

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><p>Kim stops running when she reaches the bridge, looking down at the water. She rests her head on the railing and she buries her head in her arms. She shakes her head and starts crying. <em>"You're suck a weak link! You deserve to feel like this, in fact you don't deserve to live!" <em>The vocies yell at her. She covers her ears trying to make them go away. _"Jump! Jump! Jump!" _The vocies tell her. _"No one will care! You're not worthy of living!" _The voices yell, getting louder every second. "Stop please." She begs the voices, but they don't. She shakes her head and starts panicking. She can't breathe and she wants the voices to go away. She looks around and no ones there. It's late and everyone is probably at home. She climbs over the railing and looks down. She hears voices again, but these tell her to stop and not to jump. She shakes her head, the tears still falling down her face. She lets go of the railing...

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><p>When everbody sees Kim climb over the railing the try to get to her as fast as possible. Before she falls Severide grabs her and pulls her back over the railing. Kim tries to make him let go. "Let go of me!" She cries. "No." He tells her and he holds her while she tries to fight him. Everyone else looks at her, scared and worried. She shakes her head. "Please." She begs. They can't help, but look at the broken girl in front of them.<p>

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><p>When Kim cries herself to sleep Gabby, Severide, and Shay take her home. Everybody is still scared about what Kim almost did, they didn't know how to react to this and the rape charage brought up in court.<p>

Kim wakes up in the car, in Shay's arms. She rubs her sore eyes and sits up. Then the realization of what she almost did hits her. "I'm so sorry guys." She whispers. "What happened?" Shay asks. "The vocies told me to Shay and they wouldnt shut up! They kept on bothering me and I wanted them to go away." Kim explains. Shay nods. "Please call one of us next time. You're not alone, we care about you." Shay tells her holding her in a hug. Kim nods.

Severide drops the girls at Kim's apartment. They go up stairs and into her apartment. They all change into sleeping clothes and lay on Kim's bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

_Kim is running down an ally, trying to escape the man chasing her. She runs into a wall, a dead end. She backs up against the wall. He pins her down and rips off her clothing. He forces himself inside her. She cries as he continues thrusting into her. When he releases himself inside her she feels dirty. He beats her and leaves her there to rot._

_Then she's standing on the railing of the bridge and looks down. She falls into the water, she enjoys the feeling of the water splashing on her skin. She's falling deeper into the water, then hears someone yell her name. Her eyes snap open and she panicks and starts screaming for help, but the water fills her lungs. She tries thrashing around, but she keeps sinking. The burning in her lungs make it impossible to do anything. The black starts stealing her vision. She closes her eyes and stops breathing._

Kim wakes up thrashing around and crying, the sharp pain in her stomach is back and its more painful than before. Shay quickly grabs her and helps Kim calm down. Gabby had gone to the bathroom to get some rags and the first aid kit. "Kim stay still, your stitches came loose." Shay tells her, Kim nods. Gabby comes back and fixes Kim's stiches.

They lay back down after changing the bloody sheets. Kim sleeps in between Shay and Gabby, both of them holding her. They fall asleep.

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed! Longest chapter ever.<strong>

**Coming up: Kim goes to see a therapist, Intelligence sets something up for Kim.**


	8. Chapter 8

**This is chapter 8! And enjoy. Sorry yesterday was a bad day.**

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><p>Kim sits in the leather chair, legs pulled up to her chest and arms crossed. She looks around the room. "Why don't you talk about what happened?" The therapist, Oliva Jones, asks. Kim laughs. "Because it's easier to forget that way." Kim replies. "That's not healthy." Jones comments. "How so?" Kim asks. "You tried to kill yourself." Jones comments. "Wouldn't be the first time." Kim mumbles. "What?" Jones asks. "It wouldn't be the first time." Kim says louder. "What do you mean?" Jones asks. "Does it matter?" Kim asks. "Yes it does." Jones replies. "Why?" Kim asks. "If this is something that happened before you should talk to someone about it." Jones comments. Kim looks down. "I don't want to talk about it!" Kim tells Jones. "Why?" Jones asks. Kim doesn't answer. "Tell me why." Jones tells Kim. <em>"Go ahead tell her, say the truth, tell her why you don't want to talk about it." <em> The vocies taunt. Kim shakes her head. "Why?"Jones asks again. "Because I don't want to believe it happened!" Kim cofesses. "I want to deal with my problems myself!" Kim adds. Jones nods. "Is my time up yet?" Kim asks. "Sadly yes." Jones tells her. Kim sighs and gets up. "Don't forget to come back tomorrow." Jones reminds Kim as Kim walks out.

Kim is relieved when she gets to leave therapy, not really seeing the point. Kim walks around, taking in the scenery. She goes to Molly's to see if they need help preparing for tonight. She walks in and sees Otis and Casey. "Do y'all need help setting up?" She asks. They look at her and smile. "Sure!" Casey replies. Kim comes over and helps them get ready for tonight.

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><p>Kim's behind the bar, serving drinks. "You certainly look happier." Adam points out sitting at the bar with the rest of Intelligence. "Yeah." She replies. "What would y'all like to drink?" Kim asks. They start laughing. "What's so funny?" She asks. "The way you say y'all is so cute." Erin comments. Kim frowns. "I don't do cute! I do awesome!" She smiles. They smile with her. She gets them their drinks and talks with them throughout the night.<p>

Kim takes a break and sits with Gabby and Shay, beer bottle in hand. "Hey guys!" She greets. "How was therapy?" Gabby asks. "It was good." Kim lies. Kim looks over and sees Adam talking to another girl, she can't help the feeling of jealousy. "Kim. Kim! KIM!" Shay yells. "What?" Kim asks, not hearing a thing. "You broke the bottle." Shay comments. "What?" Kim looks down, noticing the broken bottle in her hands. "Oh." She comments. "Yeah, now let's see how badly you cut your hands." Shay tells her. Kim opens her hands and drops the glass on the bar. There were a few small cuts. Kim puts some napkins on her hands. "Kim what happened to your beer bottle and hands?" Erin asks sitting by Kim. "Ummm.. I don't know." Kim admits. "You were jealous!" Shay teases. Kim frowns. "Was not!" "Was too!" Shay and Kim go on like that for a few minutes. "You broke the bottle because you were jealous that Adam was talking to another girl! Admit it!" Shay demands playfully. Kim rolls her eyes. "Fine! I was jealous!" Kim admits. They all shake their heads. "What about you Erin? Aren't you jealous when Jay talks to other girls?" Kim teases, Erin's face turns red. "I knew it!" Kim shouts, pointing at Erin. "You ar-" Kim started, but Erin covered Kim's mouth before she could finish. The boys are staring at them. Kim continues talking and Erin leaves her hand on Kim's mouth. Erin turns around. Kim licks Erin's hand. "Eww! Really Kim?" Erin asks, Kim smirks triumphantly. Erin wipes her hand on Kim. Shay and Gabby start laughing.

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><p>Gabby and Shay are passed out on Kim's bed. Kim can't help laughing at them. She lays on her couch and watches TV. She's almost asleep when a knock on the door wakes her up. Kim sighs and gets up. "Hello?" She asks, opening the door. "Hey." Adam replies, leaning on the door frame. Kim smiles. "Do you wanna come in?" She asks, moving to let him pass through. "Yeah thanks." Adam says, walking in. Kim shuts the door and turns around. Adam is right behind her. She looks down and blushes. "I heard that you broke a bottle with your bare hands because i was talking to another girl." He tells her. Kim frowns. "Who told you?" She asks. "It doesn't matter." Adam replies. "It was Erin wasn't it?" Kim asks. "Yeah." He replies. Kim frowns. "I thought it was cute." Adam tells her. She blushes a bit. "I'm going to kiss you. Is that okay?" Adam asks. She nods. He leans down and kisses her head, then her lips. "That is so cute!" Shay slurs, walking over to Kim. Kim jumps. "Shay!" Kim yells, blushing. Kim walks to Shay. "Get back in bed!" Kim tells her. "Fineeee!" Shay sighs, going back to lay on Kim's bed. Kim shakes her head and sits on her couch. "Come sit by me." Kim playfully pouts. Adam smiles and sits by her. She cuddles up against him, cover wrapped around both of them. They sit there and watvh tv. They both soon fall asleep.<p>

_Kim wakes up and she's underwater. She struggles to break through the surface. She feels like someone is pulling her deeper into the water. She screams, but water fills her mouth and she can no longer breathe. She starts kicking against the water, but it doesn't work. She looks down and she's a skeleton holding her. She screams and kicks it off her. Sbe swims to the surface to find herself trapped in a cave, water rising quickly. She beats her hands against the rock and starts crying. She starts thrashing around when the water reaches the top and her air supply is cut off. She panics whem she feels bony fingers grab her and pull her deeper into the abyss. Her eyes start fluttering shut, but she fights back harder. "KIM!" Someone yells. She looks around. "KIM!"_

Kim wakes up sweating, crying, and screaming. Adam is shaking her gently. "Kim what's wrong?" He asks, scared. Kim shakes her head and leans into his chest. He wraps his arms around her as she cries.

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><p><strong>I'm going to post another story and it has Chicago PD and Fire characters singing Karaoke.<strong>

**Coming up: Kim's nightmares get worse and she falls into old habits, while the vocies come back louder. Intelligence gets even more worried about Kim.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Here is chapter 9, just so y'all know Antonio and his wife are still living in their house, Laura didn't leave him. I'm not going to be able to update as much, i have abunch of things to do to get ready for highschool. hope y'all enjoy. Bold italics is her internal voice.**

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><p>When Kim wakes up on Adam's chest, his arms around her back. She looks up at him, smiling. She laughs slightly when she hears Gabby and Shay groaning about being hungover. "Adam, wake up." She tells him, trying to get up. He groans and holds her tighter. She rolls her eyes. "Adam wake up or else." She warns. He doesn't say a thing. She sighs. "Adam! Wake up!" She yells in his ear. He wakes up and falls on the floor, Kim underneath him. Kim laughes and ries to push him off. "Good morning!" She greets, rolling out from under him. "Morning Kimmie." He replies. Kim gets up and goes to her kitchen. "Do you wany some coffee?" She asks, making it. "Yes please." He replies, not moving from the floor. She shakes her head. "Gabby? Shay? Are you awake?" She asks. She smirks when she receives groans as a reply. "Coffee is on the pot. I'm going to get showered and dressed, then head to therapy." She lets them know, going to her bathroom.<p>

Kim shuts and locks the door to her apartment. She walks to the stairs and goes down them. She slowlh makes her way to therapy. _"You didn't deserve to have Adam comfort you after your nightmare, you should've dealt with it on your own. You're so weak it's disgusting." _the vocies tell her. _**"Go away!" **_She tells them. _"Why should we? We are the only ones who are able to remind you that you're worthless." _The vocies counter. **_"Wathever, just leave me alone!" _**She yells at them. They go away when she walks into the building. She walks up the stairs and knocks on her therapist's door. "Come in!" Jones answers. Kim takes a breath and walks in. Kim walks to the other chair and sits down on it. She pulls her legs up to her chest again. They start talking.

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><p>Kim rubs her nose, irritated. Her therapist kept on asking about her past, and boy did that bring up bad memories. She walks around a bit, stopping in front of the bakery Antonio's wife owns. She walks in and looks at the display cases. The feeling came back and thinking about food makes her sick. She shakes her head and looks at the chocolate chip cookies. "Hey Kim!" Laura greets. Kim smiles. "Hi." She replies. "What can I get you?" Laura asks. "A dozen chocolate chip cookies please." Sbe answers. Laura nods and gets the cookies. Kim gets out her money and pays for them. "Thank you! Take care!" Laura tells Kim. Kim waves and nods. She steps out and walks into someone. She falls back, dropping the cookies. She groans and picks up her box. "Sorry, I wasnt paying-" Kim started, cut off by the person's laugh. She looks up and see's Voight. She shakes her head, standing up with the box. "How are you doing?" He asks. "I'm fine." She lies. <em>"Again with the lies."<em> The vocies tell her. "How's therapy?" He asks, not really believing her. "Its good." She lies again. _"You sure are good at lying." _The vocies taunt. _**"I thought I said go away." **_She tells the vocies. "That's good." He tells her. Kim blushes. "Well, I guess I'll see you later?" She says. He nodds and they wave good bye.

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><p>Kim walks into her apartment, yawning. Wakeing up in the middle of night and crying herself back sleep was taking a toll on her. She rubs her eyes and sets the box down. She puts her phone on the charger and lays on her bed, getting under the covers. She snuggles into the blankets and falls asleep.<p>

_Kim looks around and doesn't recognize anything. Then everything changes. She's standing on a stage, infront of over a hundred people. They don't have faces, just cuts where their faces should be, the cuts making smiley faces. She tries screaming, but her mouth is sown shut. The faces start shaking and laughing. They were staring at her and laughing, she couldn't move or do anything. She tries closing her eyes, but something forces them open. She shakes her head and everything changes again. She's underwater again. She swims up and gasps for air. She's in the middle of ocean. It's storming. She looks around and sees a ship passing by. She screams for help, but she keeps going underwater. Something grabs her ankle and pulls her under. She screams and water fills her lungs. She shakes her head, crying. Everything changes again. She's in an open paster and is on top of a horse. The horse gets startled and starts thrashing Kim around, she falls off and lands on her hands, the horse still stomping around. She turns on her back and starts doging the hoves. She screams for help, but no one is around, she's dwathly afraid of horses stomping around like that. The scene changes and she's in the alley again. The man on top of her. He starts taking off her clothes._

Kim wakes up crying, sweating, and breathing hard. She pulls her knees to her chest and cries harder. The nightmares still fresh. _"Do it, you know you want to."_ The vocies tell her. She nods in agreement, getting up and going to her bathroom. She looks in the back of her medicine cabinet, grabbing a small wooden box. She opens the box and looks at the sliver blade in it. "Hey old friend it's been awhile." She tells the blade. "Don't do this Kimmie, you've been clean for four years." She pretends to be the blade. "Well, I need something to take the pain away." She tells the blade. She takes the blade out and rolls up her sleeve. She drags the blade across her upper arm. Wincing in pain a bit, she continues dragging the blade across her upper arm. She looks at her upper arm, blood dripping down her arm. She turns on the shower, putting the blade up. She takes off her clothes and steps into the showering. She hisses as the cuts burn. She fineshes and steps out, drying off. She looks at ghe angry red cuts on her arms, criss crossing every where. She goes to her closet and puts her gym clothes on, wearing her long sleeved gym shirt and puts her phone in her pocket. She leaves her apartment.

* * *

><p>She walks into the gym and heads to the treadmills. She gets on and starts off at a medium speed, slowing progressing in speed. She turns into a full on sprint. Someone gets on the one next to her, but Kim doesn't look up. "Hello there stranger." The person asks, startling Kim. She trips over her feet and falls on the treadmill, sending her to the floor. "Ouch." She mutters. The person walks over to her. "Sorry Kimmers." The guy tells her. Kim looks up. "Seriously Kevin?" She asks, standing up. "Well sorry if I miss my partner." He defends. Kim rolls her eyes. "So you decided nearly killing me was the best way to say you miss me?" She jokes. "Yeah." He shakes his head. "Now you owe me." She pouts. "Dinner at 'Mable's'." He asks. She nods. "Let's go!" He grabs her by the waist and holds her over his shoulder. She laughs and lets him carry her out like that. They go eat and talk. He drives her home, not wanting her to walk alone.<p>

She walks into her apartment, Gabby and Shay already inside. "Where were you?" Shay asks, angry and worried. "I went to the gym and Kevin took me to Mable's." She replies, nervous. "You scared us about half to death!" Shay sighs, pulling Kim into a hug. "I'm sorry guys." She whispers. "It's fine." Gabby tells Kim. "Now let's get to bed. We are having a girl's day." Shay announces. Kim nods, headinv to her closet and quickly changing into her pyjamas. Shay and Gabby change into their's. They lay down and fall asleep.

_Kim wakes up and is in a forest. It's dark, rainy, and scary. She lookes around and )sees shawdows lurking around, disappearing before she could fully see them. Then something grabs her, multiple things, and they drag her to a cabin. She tries screaming, but something covers her mouth. She's dragged to the cellar and she sees a figure, skin pastey grey. The figure turns around and the hair is knotted and face messed up, lips stitched. The figure comes over with thread, needle, and scissors. The figure stiches Kim's lips together. The stiches on the figure's mouth go away. Loud screams fill the cabins as the figure starts going around the room crazy. The vocies keep getting louder, Kim claws at the stitches over her mouth. The figure grabs Kim and drags her back to the forest. The figure takes Kim to a hole, throws her in and shuts the casket, putying the dirt on top. Kim bangs on the casket, freaking out. She starts hyperventilating and cries out. She keeps punching the casket, both sets of knuckles bleeding. "Kim." She hears someone call. "Kim!", "KIM.", KIM!"_

Kim wakes up, punching the wall by her bed. She turns around and curls against Shay, crying. Shay holds Kim and rubs Kim's hair. "Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound." Shay sings, lulling Kim to sleep.

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><p><strong>Hope y'all like. It's a long chapter. <strong>

**Coming up: Kim ends up in the hospital, Intelligence is worried.**


	10. Chapter 10

**trying to update as** **much**** as possible. Enjoy.**

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><p>After her last nightmare Kim falls deeper into her void and starts listening to the vocies. <em>"You're so fat, you should stop eating." "Pick up the blade, you know you want to." <em>The vocies tell he constantly. She listens to them amd straves herself and drags the blade across her body. She doesn't let anyone see. She covers the cuts with long sleves and pretends to eat, but forces herself to throw up after. Then she also turns to alcohol.

Kim stands on the scale. _75 __pounds. _She sighs. _"You're still too fat. Look at all that fat on your body." _She looks in the mirror, seeing herself all chunky, but her bones are showing and she looks pale. She sits down against the wall, feeling dizzy. She slowly standa up and fills the bathtub. She looks at her tired eyes and her pasty face. The sight makes her stomach turn. _"You need to throw up more fat. And pick up your blade, he misses you." _The vocies tuant. Kim nods, lips trembling. _"Don't you dare cry you weakling!" _The vocies yell. Kim hunches herself over the toilet, sticking her finger into her mouth. She dry heaves at first, throwing up the next time. It burns as it goes up her throat. She continues forcing herself to throw up. She doesn't stop till she empties everything in her stomach. She wipes her mouth and sits against her cabinets and grabs her blade from the floor. She sits in the bath tub. She drags the blade across her stomach, opening old cuts. She bites her lip. She pulls her shirt back down. She drags the blade across her arm. She closes her eyes and switches to her other arm. She puts her arms on each side, dropping the bloody blade on the floor. She moves her arms into the water and hisses in pain. She sits there for a bit. She picks her blade back up and slices the insides of her thighs. She sighs and sets the blade down. She pulls the plug up and gets out of her bathtub. She wraps a towel around her body. She goes to her closet and puts her clothes on. _"You still look fat." _The vocies tell her. She sighs and shakes her head, grabbing on to her closet door. She sits down, dizzy. She takes a few breaths and stands back up. She goes back to her bathroom and cleans up the blood and puts her blade up. She holds her head as the room starts spinning and black takes her vision, her body falling to the floor.

* * *

><p>Gabby and Shay walk into Kim's apartment. "Kimmie are you here?" Shay calls out. No response. "Kim?" Gabby tries. No response. The look in Kim's bedroom, no one there. They go to her bathroom and she her passed out on the bathroom floor, a cut on her head. They rush to her side. Shay checks Kim's pluse, the pluse weak. Gabby checks Kim's head, calling 911 after. Shay picks Kim up and takes Kim down stairs, waiting for the calls and tells Antonio what happened. The ambulance pulls up and the paramedics take Kim, putting her in the ambulance and driving off. "They'll meet us there, lets go." Gabby says. Shay nods and they drive to the hospital.<p>

They are in the waiting room, waiting for any news on Kim. The doctor walks out, everyone stands and looks at him. "What happened?" Shay asks, concerned. "She passed out from blood loss and lack of protein. We had to give her a blood transfusion. We also noticed her significant amount of weight loss. We are going to keep her on suicide watch for 48 hours." The doctor tells them. "What do you mean suicide watch? And how much weight has she loss?" Shay asks. The doctor sighs. "We've noticed self inflicted cuts all over her body. And last time we checked her weight she was 110 pounds. Now she's 75 pounds. In her medical records it says she has an eating disorder. Is that true?" The doctor asks. "Yes that is true, but she promised she would never harm herself again." Shay says, not wanting to believe it. "I'm sorry. She's in room 243 if you want to see her." The docotor tells them, walking away. Shay and Gabby nod. Intelligence stands there shocked. "What eating disorder? And this isn't the first time she harmed herself?" Erin asks, breaking the silince. "She's anorexic and bulimic. And yes the is not the first time she's harmed herself." Gabby explains, shocking everyone. "Something must've triggered her." Gabbys says. "What could've triggered her?" Erin asks. "Therapy or the trial." Gabby answers. "What from the trial?" Erin asks. Gabby sighs. "The past rape charge." Gabby answers, everyone stares shocked. Shay walks to Kim's room, leaving everybody else to talk.

* * *

><p>Shay walks into Kim's room, sitting on the bedside. Shay holds Kim's hand. "You promised Kim. You promised me." Shay whispers, crying. Kim slowly wakes up and sees Shay crying. "What's wrong Les?" Kim asks, vocie raspy. Shay looks up at Kim. "You promised you wouldn't do that again." Shay tells Kim. Kim closes her eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did." Kim tells Shay. Shay pulls Kim into a hug. "Do someyhing like this again and I'll kick your ass." Shay warns. Kim laughs, crying too. "I know you will." She whispers. Shay squeezes her harder. Kim squeezes harder. They both let go. "Please tell me that y'all didn't call Intelligence." She begs. Shay sighs. "We had to. They deserve to know Kim." Shay tries to convince Kim. Kim nods, sadly. "Not now though please." Kim begs. "Alright, but you're going to be stuck here for two days." Shay tells Kim. Kim nods. "Go to sleep you look like shit." Shay teases. Kim smirks and listens, laying down.<p>

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><p><strong>Hope y'all enjoyed.<strong>

**Coming up: Adam vists Kim in the hosptial. And Intelligence learns more about what triggered Kim.**


	11. Chapter 11

**check out my story: "Let Her Go." I tried a new ship, femslash Erin/Kim.**

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><p>Adam walks into Kim's hospital room, after the nurses left. He looks at her tired form, sighing. "Hey." He greets, sitting in the chair by her bed. "Hi." She replies tiredly, giving a weak smile. He just smiles back, unsure what to say. She looks down, nervous. "I'm sorry." She whispers. "What?" He asks, not hearing her. "I'm sorry." She says louder. He nods. "Why didn't you tell anyone?" He asks. She shakes her head, tucking some hair behind her ear. "The vocies told me to keep quiet." She explains. He stares at her, confused. "What voices?" He asks. "The ones in my head." She explains. He looks at her scared. He hugs her tightly. She flinches and cries. "I'm so sorry." She says over and over. "Shh. Its okay." He whispers as he holds her.<p>

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><p>Shay and Gabby sit with Intelligence in Kim's apartment. "Tell us everything you know about Kim." Antonio tells them. "What do you want us to start with?" Shay asks. "The beginning." Antonio answers. They both sigh. "It's not our place to say though. Why can't you ask Kim instead? I mean it is her life story." Shay wonders. "She needs to talk about it anyway. She's bottled it up her whole life." Gabby adds. They nod, understanding. "Alright let's go see Kim." Voight says. Everyone heads out.<p>

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><p>Kim is sitting in her hospital bed, knees pulled to her chest and arms crossed, and looks at the hospital food. She gags and pushes it away. "You need to eat, you're just skin and bones Kim." Shay comments, walking in with Gabby and Intelligence. Kim sighs, nodding. "Just not hungry right now." Kim replies. Shay nods, taking a seat like everyone else. "I'm guessing i have to tell the about it?" Kim asks Shay, praying she wouldn't have to. "Yeah it is." Shay replies. Kim hesitates. "They deserve to know Kim." Shay reminds Kim. Kim nods. "Where do i start?" She asks. "The beginning." Voight replies. Kim shakes her head, taking a deep breath. "Well, from the moment I was born my parents hated me, hated me with their entire beings. So did my sister. They hated how I was able to do things a three year old should be able to do. My dad was a cheating, abusive drunk. My mom was abusive and so was my sister. I was the lightning pole for my family's anger. Then when I was two my mom and sister killed themselves. My father blamed me and started hurting me more. When I turned three I developed severe depression, anorexia, and bullima. Then I was bullied at school, physically and verbally. The only time they liked me was when i was winning something for the school. Then when i was eleven.. i.. um." She chokes, not wanting to mention it. "i was raped." She whispers, eveyone still hearing. The room went silent and eyes bore into Kim. "Then I tried to kill myself. And that's all im saying." She tells them, not wanting them to know about everything else. "Do you remember who raped you?" Voight asks. Kim nods. "Can you tell us who?" He asks. Kim nods, trying to hold back her tears. "M..my dad." She whispers, stuttering. Everyone stared at her, concerned. "And then he disappeared and I haven't seen him since." She adds. Kim buries her head in her legs. "Can y'all leave so I can get some sleep?" She asks, yawning. They nod and leave. Kim lays down and closes her eyes.<p>

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><p>When Intelligence leaves Kim's hospital room no one's face has changed. They all wonder how Kim has been able to deal with all of that. "I can't believe her own father did that to her, it's just, oh my." Erin says, unable to comprehend the words. "It's amazing how a smile can hide so much pain." Jay adds. "How can she still be so kind and loving when almost no one treated her aith respect?" Kevin wonder. "She's truly a light in a world of shadows and darkness." Jin comments. They nod. "She didn't tell y'all everything though." Shay tells them. They look at her. "She's taken a lot from this world and always bounced back. Now? I'm not sure if she'll ever be the same." Gabbh adds. They nod and leave the hospital, Gabby and Shay staying. Gabby and Shay go back to Kim's room. The sit in the chairs and watch over her.<p>

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><p>Adam comes back later, missing Kim. He reaches her room and sees her falling asleep, slowly. He walks in. "Do you want a sleeoing buddy?" He asks, half joking and half serious. She smiles and nods, moving to give him some space. He smiles back and takes off his shoes, slipping under the covers. She snuggles up against him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry about your childhood." He says, regretting it when her body stiffens a bit. She sighs and relaxes. "Just hold me please and be my friend." She begs, hugging him tighter. He nods, kissing her forehead, and wraps his arms around her back. "Promise you won't leave?" She asks, sounding like a scared kid. He hugs her tighter. "I promise." He whsipers. They fall asleep.<p>

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><p><strong>enjoy.<strong>

**Coming up: A face from Kim's past comes back.**


	12. Chapter 12

**so yeah. This chapter gets pretty funny.**

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><p>Kim wakes up in Adam's arm, happy she didn't have a nightmare. She streches slighty. "Morning Kimmers."Shay greets, starling Kim. "The heck Les?" Kim asks. "The two of you are cute." Shay comments. Adam starts waking up. "Morning Ruzek." Shay tells him. "Morning." He replies. "You ready to go home Kim?" Shay asks. Kim nods, eagerly. "Yes!" She replies, getting out of the bed. Shay smiles and hands Kim her clothes. Kim changes and puts on her shoes. "Lets go!" She says, excitedly. They head out.<p>

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><p>Adam goes to his apartment, Kim and Shay go to bring Gabby breakfast. The arrive at Fire House 51, walking in they were greeted by Pouch. "Hey there boy." Kim tells him, bending down and petting him. He licks her face. "Hey! I want to give the pretty girls kisses too." Casey pouts jokingly. Kim and Shay laugh. "Alright." Kim shakes her head, kissing Casey on the check. "Happy jealous box? And where's your girlfriend? We have her breakfast." Kim tells him. "She's inside." He tells Kim. "Thanks." Kim goes inside, Shay heading to the locker room. Kim walks to Gabby. "Here's you're breakfast." Kim smiles, giving Gabby the bag. Gabby hugs Kim. "Thank you!" Gabby replies. "No problem! I'll see you and Shay at Molly's later." Kim smiles, waving bye. She walks to her car and gets in. She drives to her apartment, wanting to clean it up a bit.<p>

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><p>Kim walks into her apartment, closing the door, and stars cleaning. She picks up her dirty clothes and puts them in her laundry basket. She cleans up the movies in front of her tv, stacking them up neatly. She sighs when she hears a knock at the door. "Coming!" She yells, going to the door. She opens it and breaks out into a huge grin. "Megan!" Kim greets, excitedly, hugging Megan. "Why are you here? Why didn't Les tell me?" Kim asks. Megan laughs, walking in. "My little sister wanted to suprise you. And I'm concerned about what happened." Megan replies. Kim frowns. "Oh." Kim says. Megan pulls Kim into a hug. "I'm sorry about what happened to you." Megan tells Kim. Kim nods and hugs Megan back. "You should get some rest. We're going to Molly's later." Kim says, pulling out of the hug. Megan nods and looks at kim. "Can i use your bed?" Megan asks. Kim nods and takes Megan to her bedroom. Megan lays down and falls asleep. Kim sits on her couch and watches TV.<p>

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><p>Kim, Megan, Shay, Gabby, Platt, and Intelligence are drinking at Molly's. "Kimmie yone Ann here was the cutest thing." Megan tells Intelligence, pointing at Kim. "Kimmie Ann?" Kevin asks, rasing an eyebrow. Kim brushes. "Well her full name is Kimberly Ann Carol Burgess." Megan answers. "Meggie!" Kim whines, embarrassed. Erin and Jay shake their heads, trying not to laugh. Kim hides her face against the table. "Oh by the way, have any of you heard her sing?" Megan asks. Kim's head shoots up, face a dark shade of scarlet. "You wouldn't." Kim says. "Come on you were an amazing singer." Megan remarks, pulling her phone out. "Keep in mind she's never had a singing lesson. This was when she was 6? And it was a chior type competition." Megan explains, starting the video. (This is like glee's 'don't rain on my parade.') Everyone stares wide eyed at a six year old Kim singing like a professional. "Dayum." Adam says. "Did you also know if she blushes because she's embarrassed, the blushes spreads through her whole body?" Megan informs them, pointing at an embarrassed Kim. Her entire face was red, so were her arms. "Woah." Platt comments. "Only you can embarrass me like this NutMeg." Kim tells Megan. "Well you're my adopted little sister, of course i have to embarrass you." Megan smiles. Kim stops blushing. "So how was the plane ride? Any jetlag?" Gabby asks. "It was good. And no jetlag." Megan smiles, relieved. They spend the rest of the night talking and watching videos of Kim when she was little.<p>

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><p><strong>sorry it sucks. The videos will be mentioned again so don't worry.<strong>

**Coming up: Kim is forced to sing.**


	13. Chapter 13

**enjoy. Italics are singing this time.**

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><p>It's the next night and everyone is at Molly's again. Herman goes up on the little stage thing and taps the microphone. "Ladies and Gentlemen tonight is the first night of Molly's karaoke. Who would like to be first?" He asks, looking around. Kim nearly chokes on her drink. "Kim you should sing something." Erin suggest. Kim looks at her. "No! I don't sing anymore." Kim replies. "What? Why?" Erin asks. "I just haven't done it in awhile." Kim replies. "Aw come on Kimmers." Adam teases. Kim sighs. "One song that's it. Wait. What should I sing?" Kim wonders. "Sing something like Before He Cheats or Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Megan suggest. "Last time anyone want to go?" Herman asks. Kim gets up. "I'll go first." Kim replies. "Alright we have a volunteer. What will you be singing?" He asks, putting Kim in front of the microphone. "Hit me with your best shot by Pat Benatar." She replies, getting a few claps. Herman turns the monitor on and starts the song. The music starts and Kim takes a few deep breathes.<p>

_"Well you're a really tough cookie with a long history _

_Of breaking little hearts like the one in me._

_That's okay, let's see how you do it_

_Put up your dukes, let's get down to it."_

_"Hit me with your best shot._

_Why don't you hit me with your best shot._

_Hit me with your best shot._

_Fire away."_

_"You come on with it, come on._

_You don't fight fair._

_That's okay, see if I care._

_Knock me down, it's all in vain._

_I'll get right back on my feet again."_

_"Hit me with your best shot._

_Why don't you hit me with your best shot._

_Hit me with your best shot._

_Fire away."_

_"Well you're a real tough cookie with a long history. _

_Of breaking little hearts like the one in me._

_Before I put another notch in my lipstick case._

_You better make sure you put me in my place."_

_"Hit me with your best shot._

_C'mon, hit me with your best shot._

_Hit me with your best shot._

_Fire away."_

_"Hit me with your best shot._

_Why don't you hit me with your best shot._

_Hit me with your best shot._

_Fire away."_

She finishes, everyone clapping. She gets off the stage and goes back to the table. "There happy?" Kim asks. They nod staring at her wide eyed. "That was awesome!" Erin exclaims. Kim blushes. "Really?" Kim asks, unsure. "You sang like a professional." Erin replies. Kim smiles and they continue talking and having fun.

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><p>Adam and Kim are walking to her apartment, talking. Kim leans her head on Adam's shoulder. Adam smiles, looking at her. "You wanna spend the night at my place?" Kim asks suddenly. "Yeah, that'd be awesome." He replies, walking up to the doors of Kim's apartment complex. They take the elevator to her floor. They walk to her door and Kim unlocks it, walking in. She shuts the door after Adam walks in. Adam turns around to face Kim. Kim walks up to him and stands on her toes and kisses him. Kim wraps her arms around his neck. He kisses back wrapping his arms around her waist. He pulls back a bit. "Are you sure you're ready?" He asks. She nods and pulls him back into the kiss. Adam picks Kim up and Kim wraps her legs around his waist. He takes her to her bedroom, still kissing. He sets her on her feet. He pulls her shirt up and she pushes his off. He kisses her more passionately and pushes her on to the bed softly.<p>

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><p><strong>if you want a sex scene let me know, i will write it into chapter 14<strong>

**Coming up: Kim and Adam go the next step.**


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